It’s so easy to get caught up in the hoopla of life and miss all of the beautiful, intricate small things that are happening around you.
My mind was so focused and consumed on the negative things, old things – things that I should have let go years ago – that I couldn’t see the beautiful things that were happening to me.
I did not notice that God moved me to a beautiful city so that I could see and experience things I never would have seen if I had not lived there.
I did not see that God placed me in the high mountains of North Carolina with my new husband to isolate me so that He could create and mold me to be the wife, leader and woman He designed me to be.
I did not see that I had to be in this place in order to get focused and aligned to Him, zoning in on my health and wellness and successfully dropping 35 pounds in 6 months which in turn now inspires other women to tap into their greatness and become healthier and fit from the inside, out.
I could not see that my destiny was being built in this season, in this perfect place.
I couldn’t see it…
No matter how hard I tried, I continued to hold on to these bad things, the negative situations – my hurt. I didn’t want to let my hurt go, it was my addiction, my god. I worshipped my hurt, I praised my pain – I bowed down to her daily for an entire year – she consumed me.
For an entire year, the only god I served was the god of my pain, the lord of my hurt.
…and in that worship, in that praise, it was all taken away…
I lost it all – my job, my income, my identity and almost my sanity and my marriage. Depression was waiting for me, she stood with open arms waiting to share her “love” with me. She wanted me to come to her making me feel like she loved me so that she could wrap her arms around me and walk me into her dark shadows – but GOD.
I would constantly look back on my pain, reminisce in the hurt, fight to forgive, SO self absorbed with the thoughts that I could NOT focus on what was ahead of me.
I would replay in my mind these situations, the heart wrenching occurrences trying to figure out where I went wrong. I cried, I prayed, because never in a million years did I want to hurt anyone, not even myself. The soul was dying, the pain was just too great to live with. These thoughts, situations and what-ifs consumed me, they took over me daily and I felt like I was losing myself, losing my mind, and day-by-day, bit-by-bit, I was.
The harder I fought to keep “me,” the more I was losing me.
After a year of fighting those chains, those spirits, that bondage I am here to announce to you that I am free. The moment I truly gave it all to God, did all that I could do, forgave and forgotten truly in my heart, stopped worshipping my pain, He opened the flood gates for me.
Everything I lost God is restoring back to me ten-fold. Day-by-day God is showing me His favor. I know I am healed and He knows He can trust me again.
There is not one devil in hell that can keep me from my destiny, my purpose. I am a fighter, I persevere – I am going to keep fighting and I want to help you fight.
My pain was not and will not be in vain. I will no longer allow my pain to be my god – there is only one God, one Lord, one Savior, one Spirit and that is who I am going to worship, serve and praise. I don’t care if it’s with one or a million – I love Him too much to let Him down anymore.