In 21 days, I will officially be 5 years away from the tender age of 40. If you do the math, then you kind of have an idea of how old I will be 🙂
Rather than having “pre planned” posts in sharing my latest purchase, my new fav lipstick or how I accomplished a certain look that I’m wearing; I’ve come to the realization that I’m just not that type of “blogger/writer.” I’m not a fashion blogger rather, I am a woman who’s inspired by the beauty which surrounds her.
I remember what life was like before he came around. I was searching for him and through many disappointments and heartaches, trials and tribulations; I realized that my focus was in the wrong place. An epiphany suddenly hit me…I am not supposed to be searching for him, but searching for me, putting all my energy into discovering who I am.
Cruising through my Facebook stream, I ran into this YouTube video of Steve Harvey talking about a video a reality personality decided to put out to increase her “claim to fame.” To be honest, I’m disappointed. I’m disappointed in the fact that some women feel they have to give up everything in order to be noticed. You are worth so much more…
…and YET, here we are, another woman who’s self esteem is so low, who believes she’s so undervalued that she feels the need to “give it all up and put it out there” in order to see her own worth.
When does the cycle end? Is it worth it?
“No matter where you go, God provides.”– from my Mother In Law –
There are so many things in life that I want to do. I’m always having a word spoken over me about where God is taking me, but something in me is crippling me to move forward. Just like my weight loss, I have to get to a place where I say NO MORE and I make up my mind, that I’m making moves! No more crippling and not moving forward. No more not moving into my destiny. No more am I going to waste another day and not do what God has created me to do.
We often find ourselves crippled in moving forward because there is a fear associated with it. I admitted at a conference in front of many successful entrepreneurs that I am not only “afraid” of success – but I am nervous of the responsibility that comes with success. I know God has given me a lot to do, I just need to start making moves and getting it done.
Has God ever given you a glimpse of your future? Has He ever shown you what your life is really designed for?
Listening to my mother-in-law talk to my hubby on the phone and she said “No matter where you go, God provides.” Hearing those words made me realize – that there isn’t a need to be afraid to move forward – God is already there, He is waiting on me to move forward.
On the FASHION FRONT:
Went to Atlanta a few weeks ago and saw this crop sweater and I had to have it. Knowing the seasons are about to change, I had to squeeze this in before it got too warm to wear it!
Guess what – the sweater was on clearance for $5 at H&M – SCORE!!!
details on my look
necklace: Natasha found at Dillards
skirt: Forever 21
sneakers: Michael Kors
It’s so easy to get caught up in the hoopla of life and miss all of the beautiful, intricate small things that are happening around you.
My mind was so focused and consumed on the negative things, old things – things that I should have let go years ago – that I couldn’t see the beautiful things that were happening to me.
I did not notice that God moved me to a beautiful city so that I could see and experience things I never would have seen if I had not lived there.
I did not see that God placed me in the high mountains of North Carolina with my new husband to isolate me so that He could create and mold me to be the wife, leader and woman He designed me to be.
I did not see that I had to be in this place in order to get focused and aligned to Him, zoning in on my health and wellness and successfully dropping 35 pounds in 6 months which in turn now inspires other women to tap into their greatness and become healthier and fit from the inside, out.
I could not see that my destiny was being built in this season, in this perfect place.
I couldn’t see it…
No matter how hard I tried, I continued to hold on to these bad things, the negative situations – my hurt. I didn’t want to let my hurt go, it was my addiction, my god. I worshipped my hurt, I praised my pain – I bowed down to her daily for an entire year – she consumed me.
For an entire year, the only god I served was the god of my pain, the lord of my hurt.
…and in that worship, in that praise, it was all taken away…
I lost it all – my job, my income, my identity and almost my sanity and my marriage. Depression was waiting for me, she stood with open arms waiting to share her “love” with me. She wanted me to come to her making me feel like she loved me so that she could wrap her arms around me and walk me into her dark shadows – but GOD.
I would constantly look back on my pain, reminisce in the hurt, fight to forgive, SO self absorbed with the thoughts that I could NOT focus on what was ahead of me.
I would replay in my mind these situations, the heart wrenching occurrences trying to figure out where I went wrong. I cried, I prayed, because never in a million years did I want to hurt anyone, not even myself. The soul was dying, the pain was just too great to live with. These thoughts, situations and what-ifs consumed me, they took over me daily and I felt like I was losing myself, losing my mind, and day-by-day, bit-by-bit, I was.
The harder I fought to keep “me,” the more I was losing me.
After a year of fighting those chains, those spirits, that bondage I am here to announce to you that I am free. The moment I truly gave it all to God, did all that I could do, forgave and forgotten truly in my heart, stopped worshipping my pain, He opened the flood gates for me.
Everything I lost God is restoring back to me ten-fold. Day-by-day God is showing me His favor. I know I am healed and He knows He can trust me again.
There is not one devil in hell that can keep me from my destiny, my purpose. I am a fighter, I persevere – I am going to keep fighting and I want to help you fight.
My pain was not and will not be in vain. I will no longer allow my pain to be my god – there is only one God, one Lord, one Savior, one Spirit and that is who I am going to worship, serve and praise. I don’t care if it’s with one or a million – I love Him too much to let Him down anymore.
You may even find yourself conforming to your surroundings and those around you just to be accepted. You find yourself styling yourself like them, eating what they eat, wearing what they wear and even changing the way you speak – all because you want to fit in.
What if I told you that your uniqueness is your gift and that its what qualifies you to stand out amongst the crowd? You are here to be a trail blazer!
What if I told you that what you may think are your weaknesses are actually your strengths waiting to be developed?
We all were born to be different but because of what we see around us we think that there is something wrong with us.
We think and wonder why God created us this way not realizing that in His eyes we are perfect.
You were made to shine and not to blend in with the crowd. You were designed to stand out, to be different!
I dare you to accept your unique qualities, your beautiful features, your peculiar ways. For they are all gifts from God designed to make you stand tall amongst the crowd.
See your beauty, FEEL your beauty and walk in it!
Dare to be different!